My Favorite Movies: The Original Star Wars Trilogy (1977-1983)
It is nearly impossible to see this as [...]
Tag: 1-star
V/H/S (2012)
“V/H/S” is the latest in the “found footage” horror genre. Like “The Blair Witch Project” and “Paranormal Activity,” you are suppose to feel as if you are watching newly recovered raw footage that begins as an ordinary home movie but then goes horribly wrong. The chief problem is that the movie leans on a premise […]
Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (2012)
One of the problems with the recent attempts to adapt Dr. Seuss’ books into movies is Hollywood’s tendency to intrude upon his work with cute, snappy dialogue and slapstick comedy, and expand on appropriately thin material with gobs of hip-cool dialogue and needless subplots. Anyone familiar with Dr. Seuss’ books knows that this is completely […]
Bachelorette
Leslye Headland’s Bachelorette is an unfunny, miserable experience that toddles around for 90 minutes with three people so obnoxious that you wouldn’t want to share an elevator ride with them. It is a comedy that strives to be an earthier recreation of Bridesmaids and The Hangover, but it is neither as clever, nor as funny […]
John Carter (2012)
John Carter is lumbering epic monstrosity, a boring film that looks great but goes nowhere. Here is a science fiction western with a visual look so engaging that you are firmly caught up until about the 30 minute mark, after which this pathetically dated story becomes repetitive and wears out its welcome. The bad news is that […]
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
I don’t care about this movie, I really don’t. I’ve been burned too many times to even care at this point. Something about this series slips my brain into a state of bilious apathy. To admit that this movie is better than the previous installment is like saying that a rectal exam is easier to […]
I Am Number Four (2011)
I guess he’s fortunate that he wasn’t Number Two. I Am Number Four is a teen science fiction thriller so shabby that it resembles a failed TV pilot that never got picked up. If it did, I can’t imagine that it could muster enough interest for public access. The main inspiration seems to have been […]
Battle: Los Angeles (2011)
Watching Battle: Los Angeles is like eating a really boring dessert. Once you’ve finished it, you immediately forget about it and never ask for seconds. Afterwards you’re sorry that you even bothered. Here is a war movie filtered through an alien invasion movie and rings the cliches out of both genres, often at the same […]
The Blind Side (2009)
The opening scene of The Blind Side successfully establishes a football analogy that, for someone unlearned in the game (like me), helps to explain the game from the coach’s point of view. Over footage of Joe Theissman’s gruesome 1985 career-ending compound fracture, the narration tells us that “The first check you write is for the […]
